When writing your blog, you have to tell yourself that people actually care about what you have to say, when of course they don’t at all, unless your a deliberately provocative female (which I’m not) or a politician who’se going to blow the world up (which I’m not…yet) – Only, none of the interesting politicians have made their blogs yet – I mean, where is Fidel Castro’s blog? That North-Korean dictator guy’s blog (Ya’ know – the short crazy guy who dresses up like Elvis)? Joseph Stalin’s Blog? (Okay yes, he has been dead for 60-sum years now, but that’s hardly an excuse…) So, as I am neither an object of sexual desire nor a dictator (or both – oh, kinky!) I do not suspect anyone in particular, save a few friends, have any interest in reading about a middle-aged teen’s trivial troubles in the heart of a little Kentuckian high-way town called Dry Ridge.
So I will spare you the majority of moaning and whining, and instead get onto the amusing and often times absurd stuff that happens in my life. Perhaps an occasional little grumble here and there, but rest assured there will be no self-pity or senseless whining. Hence, this blog is dedicated to chronicling the many absurd events in my life which will hopefully give you a chuckle and help pass a few moments should you find yourself rather quite bored and void of anything to do. So, let’s begin!
- > Wal-Mart Nuns < -
No matter your religious beliefs, you have to admit there is something very powerful feeling about the aura of Priests, Imams, Rabbis, Monks, and Nuns. Someone who’se so willing to dedicate themselves to their own truths has to be admired for their dedication. Now I personally am an agnostic for the most part – when I was younger I was a free-spirited Christian, but this feeling subsided in me when I hit my teens, and occassionally now I go through a few months everynow and then where I feel absurdly Jewish, though to hell with the idea of me being bothered enough to actually contact a Rabbi and do all the schmuck (pun not intended) required to be considered an official Jew. But anyway, even if I decided to become a hard-core Atheist I would still feel a certain aura of respect for people who dedicate themselves to their religion. However, it’s an entirely different feeling you get when you meet them outside of their working place, which is something I did today.
For those of you who are not from the U.S., Wal-Mart is America’s top super-market. It’s an underhanded business by all regards – it’s products are low quality, it treats its employees like crap, it charges an arm and a leg for everything, and in general it’s just a very symbolic image of America (sorry for the dig, fellow yanks!). The problem is though, it’s for the most part the only “rounded super-market” you get in America, in that it sells most of the things a person essentually needs and occasionally wants, so basically we yanks have to go there because we have nowhere else to go. So, you find a lot of people in the different Wal-Marts you can go to. The crazy “Hills Have Eyes” people are my favorite – ya’ know, the kind who look like they are mutated survivors of a nuclear holocaust and have just came out of their bunkers to face humanity for the first time in years. Because of where I live, really you only get that kind of person, the bible-belt type, and some very bored, trendy, EXTREMELY southern teenagers who sincerely say things like “HOLY MACARONY, MA!” when they see a video game they like. Oh, and let’s not forget the dogs-in-heat prostitute-esque girls that hang around the corners wearing their tank-tops and illegally short skirts, but that’s for another story. So anyway, we have tons of churches in this little town – all of them Christian of some demeanor of course; have you ever known of a southern American high-way town that actually had a mosque or a synagouge in it? – but they are all the ten-seater kind of types like you see in old westerns. No big stone chaples here or anything – just small white little buildings without air conditioning where a sweaty preacher will go strangle himself trying to croak out passages from the bible which warn of damnation for things he does on a daily basis. So you can imagine the surprise I had when I spotted two elderly Nuns in full Nun-gear today at my Wal-Mart. They were walking hunch-backed and waddling like penguins over to the eye-doctor’s place (which is, oddly, built into the Dry Ridge Wal-Mart), tripping over their robes in a matter that is entirely un-Nun like. At first I thought they must be Nun-impersonators – Nuns often-times seem to simply float about in an eery fashion when near their huge places of worship, glidding effortlessly about without ever tripping over their awkward clothes. Perhaps even a living Monty Python sketch, I thought – look closely enough and one of them might’ve resembled John Cleese if you gave her a mustache – but no, these Nuns were the real deal. I do not know where they came from, nor where they were going – but point is, there were two Nuns in the Dry Ridge Wal-Mart today and I cannot help but find that oddly fascinating. I mean – NUNS? HERE? In the land of fast food and gasoline and segregation? It’s one of the more unpredicted moments of my life, and one I thought I would share with you. So there – you now know that two Nuns were in the Dry Ridge, KY, Wal-Mart today. Your life is complete, yes?
Stay tuned for more absurd stories…Perhaps the next one will have more of a point to it.
- Nile
