You know you are an American if you think:
1: Non-American people care about what you have to say
2: If it wasn’t for the US, the world nor sliced bread would exist
3: Europe is a country, filled mostly with bad guys who want to make you work overtime with low wages
4: Russians are the head honcho villains of the world and will not stop at any cost to get you working overtime
5: Chinese people are also bad guys, but America needs them alive because they make everything for it, so that’s why you haven’t nuked ‘em yet
6: America is a free county
7: Muslims are also bad guys, but unlike Russians and Chinese people, they simply want to kill you because they’re bored.
8: Anyone who would dare wear a turban is an enemy of the US and wants to kill you (see belief 7)
9: Joining the military is a great and honorable deed, as are the many deeds that follow, such as: Killing people who may or may not be innocent, risking your life for inconsequential tasks simply because another person tells you to, and of course, buying a one-way ticket to a shrink’s chair and lots, and lots, and lots of alcohol to drown the memories away (assuming you survive of course).
10: Burgers and grease-soaked fries are a wonderfully healthy staple in the American diet
11: You have “American heritage”
12: Tacos are American food
13: Germans are not to be trusted and are to be watched with suspicion, because their country is lead by Hitler
14: The British respect and look up to the US
15: Israel is a poor undefended country that has done absolutely nothing at all to provoke the actions of all of those angry mean Muslim countries (Again, see rule 7)
16: Barack Obama is the greatest man to ever live, OR he is the anti-Christ and will destroy the world (varies)
17: It is your duty to guide foreigners and tell them what to do; after all, you are an American, and thus they all look up to you (unless they are Russian, Chinese, German, or Muslim; in which case, you must be on guard and subdue them before they can call in a nuclear air strike!)
18: American is the national language of America
19: The FBI are the nice men who protect you from the people who wanna make you work over-time. And aliens, too, if they existed.
20: If a foreigner can speak English, they are doctors, phone operators, or spies/terrorists.
This post is entirely for comedic value, I assure you. So please, crazy US fans, don’t flame me 
.
- Nile
.
